Before we start, make peace with this: You are not the same person anymore. You never will be. Ever Again. And that’s a good thing. You just don’t know it yet. But let’s fix that.
Why is it a good thing that you aren’t who you used to be?
Because, now, you get to re-introduce yourself. To you, and to everyone that knew you or will get to know you.
And you get to start from ground zero experience. Experience is = Grace + Wisdom
When you go to high-end locations, what they sell above all else that makes most of them charge an arm and a leg is the experience.
Experience doesn’t always have to be hurt, pain, and brokenness.
It could be what others feel and remember when they meet you.
So, you get to rewrite your story and curate the experience of you
Grace means the ability to do what you wouldn’t be able to do with your own strength, intelligence, and or connections. Grace is gifted to you.
Wisdom is a higher level of knowing, a deeper intelligence that is not theoretical or written in books but it is accurate because it was downloaded into your spirit by the divine.
You see where I’m going with this?
You are not the same anymore, and you never will be, and that is a good thing because you get to re-introduce yourself which you will do after you have rebuilt yourself and you have a lot to work with because you have wisdom and Grace at your disposal, as a result, when you eventually re-introduce yourself, you are inviting them to have an experience of you.
A different, better, and higher experience than they’ve ever had.
Warning: If you do this, you will hear a lot of ”you’ve changed”, ”there’s something different about you”, ”you used to be this or that”, ”I like this new you” or ”I don’t like this you”. You will lose people, you will gain people. Use at your discretion.
If you are still here, let me show you the steps to take before you reintroduce yourself:
- Rebuild your Identity: Nothing makes sense when your identity is in shambles. Rebuilding anything means what once was has been shattered, broken, or in disarray.
Your identity is the totality of who you are and how you show up in the world. Have everything in the world, if you don’t have your identity clear and strongly built, you will lose everything else or be the person who has everything but is still empty.
Our identity is the canvas with which everything else is built.
There’s person A: has nothing to their name, money, house, or material possessions and does not have a sense of self-concept and is wallowing through the world like a skeleton, nothing within, nothing without.
There’s Person B: Has everything you can think of, is on top of the world, and is successful in every way but has no sense of self-concept so money is used to self-soothe, bandage, cover-up, buy respect, love, and attention but deep down they are empty and hungry for something and it’s a sense of self.
Here’s Person C: Doesn’t have anything to their name, a failure by every societal standard but can’t be bought, confidence through the roof, unshakeable self-worth, a sense of direction as to where they are going and who they are even when they don’t look like it.
And there’s Person D: A total success by society’s metric and you can see how grounded they are and if they lose everything, they’d be the exact same person and will get it all back.
Person C and D have what I call a rooted, and impenetrable identity.
Your Identity is the canvas on which everything else is built. Without it, nothing can stand. With it, everything else can dissipate but the owner of the identity will remain.
Everyone has an Identity, but not everyone has the right one and the impenetrable one.
The right Identity is your true self. Who you really are from creation not who society, environment, and trauma created.
The impenetrable identity is the right identity that has been fortified and cannot be shaken by people, or things. You become a timeless person. Your sense of self-worth, confidence, and belief in yourself has nothing to do with what you own, where you live, how you look, or who you are with.
A person with the right identity but not the impenetrable one, will know who they are, but if you pick at them long enough, they will break and succumb to all sorts of bullying. They are mostly the insecure ones and the people pleasers.
A person with an impenetrable identity and not the right one is a tyrant. You can’t teach them, correct them, or change their minds. They have a sense of Identity that they might have created through some dubious or painful means (which isn’t the right identity), and they have built it to be impenetrable so they can’t even see they’re wrong.
The best combo is the right + impenetrable identity.
So rebuild your identity with the right + impenetrable identity. And you do this through
You are allowed some moments of going to the past, and you are allowed to blame someone, but you are not allowed to give yourself Grace as though you weren’t part of the problem and you are not allowed to remain in the past. And if you are not able to calibrate a new future after this, you failed this step. The best way to do this is through journaling. Your self-reflection will not be complete without…
3. Accountability: You’d be surprised (or maybe not) to find that your life is 100% your responsibility immediately you become an adult and the majority of what happened to you only happened because there was a part you played. Even if you were ignorant and it wasn’t your fault.
Ignorance of the Law is not an excuse, remember?
Accountability isn’t pretty, they might have hurt you, life might have been unfair, and you truly didn’t deserve that. Yet, you were a part of the equation. Your ignorance, nonchalance, whatever it may be, contributed. Find your contribution to your pain and take it back.
Even if it’s as little as where you are staying. Change your location. Something as little as that can literally change your problems.
Life expects accountability from us and if we don’t do that, it will do it for us in a brutal most painful way you can think of: repeated mistakes.
Accountability will lead you to do one of the hardest things you will have to do, which is to,,,
4. Forgive: Because someone might have done you dirty, truly. It’s time to let them go. People who rebuild their identity, create a timeless experience of themselves, become impenetrable and do not harbor unforgiveness. Unforgiveness and bitterness are powerful poisons that can bring down the mightiest fortress, and breaking news, it brings down the fortress of the carrier, not the one you were harboring it for.
Beyond forgiving them, the truly hard part isn’t forgiving them, it’s forgiving yourself. When you realize that you did something, or allowed something that got them to do what they did, it is hard to let go of the fact that you should have known better,
We forgive because to rebuild your identity you need self-love, and self-love is really selfish, and selfish in self-love is really putting yourself first. So, we forgive not for them but for us, be selfish. After you have forgiven
5. Calibrate Your Future: To calibrate means to adjust, check the setting of, to make. It could also mean correct, fine-tune, fix, improve, etc.
I want you to do just that. All of it.
Adjust, check the setting of, make, correct, fine-tune, fix, and improve your future.
Your life is your responsibility, it’s yours to fix, make, and adjust.
How do you make your future you ask?
You might say, ”It’s one of the things you have no control over.”
Wrong!
Ok, You have no control over some things, yes, that’s the beauty and adventure of life. Enjoy it.
But there are so many more you can control.
A student at the University, who has a final paper to submit in 2 weeks to be able to graduate knows for sure that putting in 2hours daily, researching and putting together their paper will make sure they do not miss the deadline so they can submit the best possible paper they can to get the best grade they can get and graduate with flying colors.
Another student in the same school with the same situation was rather busy partying, procrastinating, and sleeping in, until it was deadline. They will miss the deadline and not graduate or they will turn in an average paper and get a bad grade.
These two parties saw their future and made a choice.
Do not focus on the future you can’t do anything about. Design one for yourself. The one you can do so much about that will move the needle.
With these steps in place, you can reintroduce yourself to you and to all who want to hear.
Now, tell us, Who are you?
Design your Future here
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